Autumn Dating

What are you hiding?

Okay people. Whether you’re male or female there are some things you need to know. Let’s start with photos. If you’re photos are the following you won’t get me to want to contact you:

  • Half your face is showing
  • Pictures of your dog, a sunset, the beach, flowers (unless you’re in them)
  • Pictures that don’t show your body
  • Pictures that show too much of your body
  • Pictures of you with so many other people that I can’t tell which one is you
  • Pictures of you from more than five years ago

There’s more but you get the idea. If this is all you got, you’ll never get a date. Listen, all we have to go on is what you look like to start. If you’re hiding it’s because you think you have something to hide. 90% of profiles that look like this are from people who perceive themselves as unattractive. For example, there are many who prefer their mate to have a little extra meat on the bones, while others want a mate that is slim and trim. I know it’s important to put your best foot forward but we want to see more than your foot. Wait. Look, if you want to get your money’s worth from your dating site put out the right photos.

What about religion and politics?

There are four things that I consider non-negotiables if your relationship is going to last:

  • World View
  • Spiritual View
  • Finances
  • Sex

I’m not saying you need to be exactly alike because that would be a pretty boring relationship. What I am saying is that you need to be in the same ballpark if it’s going to work.

Your world view includes politics. These days it’s pretty black and white. You’re either on the left or the right. There is no longer any middle ground. Personally I hope that changes but for now this is where our society is. Because of this it may be a good idea to let those who are viewing your profile know where you stand. This will save you both from wasting your time. That said, you need to be respectful of those who are viewing your profile. Don’t list “Things I Hate” and then personalize it such as, “I hate Trump”. You don’t have to be a hater, just say that you are a liberal or conservative – we’ll get the point.

Spiritual views are somewhat more flexible but they also influence your world view. If you are a Christian then most any Christian flavor will do. That is, unless you’re a fanatic (don’t judge me). However, if you are an atheist, you’re better off finding someone who is at least agnostic. Listen…you’re not going to convert anyone so don’t even try – it’s a waste of your time and annoys others.

Finances are more important than you may think. If you have a lot of assets at this stage in your life you will most-likely do better with someone who has as much to lose. Typically, someone with a lot of assets will treat someone with little or nothing (financially) like they are inferior to them. This is disrespectful. Stay in your own (financial) lane or at least close. There are exceptions. You may have had a lot of assets until you had to give half of them away or worse, you had to file bankruptcy and start over. In these circumstances your financial background needs to be of a similar experience. Then again, you may need to be careful not to pick up a freeloader – they’re out there.

Finally sex. It doesn’t matter if you are okay with once a week, once a month, or if you gotta have it every day; what matters is that you’re in agreement. Someone who has to have it all the time will be frustrated with someone who only wants it occasionally and vice-versa.

What to do…

Start with being honest with yourself. People who perceive themselves as unattractive will do well to understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What’s unattractive to me may be different than what it is to you. Personally, someone who smokes is more unattractive than someone who is a little overweight.

You aren’t being honest if you only have one photo of you and it shows half your face and it’s sideways (how do they do that?). Put photos of you that show who you are – and make sure YOU are in the photos.

Finally, be realistic about who you’re looking for. I would encourage you to consider the non-negotiables I’ve mentioned and stay clear of people who aren’t in your ballpark.

Drop me a line and tell me about dating profile fails that you have experienced.

Brian James
Brian James

Brian has over 40 years of experience in Marketing, Sales and Management and is passionate about exceeding his customer’s expectations. Over the years, he has facilitated marketing, sales and leadership programs for Dell Computer, Wendy’s International and the National Automobile Dealers Association as well as many others on the local and national level. Brian is the father of four and has six grandchildren. He is also an accomplished musician and singer and fronts a classic rock band in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia.

3 Replies to “Dating Site Profile Fails”

  1. The filter thing is a lie too. So many women use these smoothing filters and when you don’t see a single wrinkle, you know that there’s no human being with doll-like skin – it’s a lie. What else is she lying about? What else is she hiding? Why are all of your photos take from a specific angle looking down your cleavage? Obviously there’s something you don’t want the rest of the world to know.

    I do the dog and guitar thing on Facebook because I am not on the prowl. I don’t even visit dating sites, but I can imagine that a woman who is so egotistic as to use a filter in a pic with a baby so the baby looks like it came from Mattel instead of Mommy would be similarly dishonest on a dating site.

    1. Hahaha…I missed that one! You KNOW there’s something they’re hiding with the filter thing! NOBODY looks that perfect. Though I must admit…it’s sure an improvement. Good insight Jim, thanks for the comments.

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