In my ongoing quest to find the woman of my dreams I made a date with a woman from the dating site I’m a member of. Her photos were fine. Wait. Let me talk about dating site photos! Nope. I will restrain myself from this diversion until the next blog where I talk about Dating Profile Fails. Back to the issue at hand. We met for drinks and maybe dinner if it was going well. So we had dinner. But that’s where it ended with me.
She was an attractive, articulate, educated woman with similar interests so why did it end with dinner?
Spark.
There was no spark. You may think that if everything else is okay then maybe the sparks will come. Trust me, they won’t. But isn’t that being superficial you may ask? Nope.
See the woman in the photo? I want a woman to look at me like that when our eyes meet for the first time. Before you get to know someone all you have to go on is looks but spark is different. Spark is an intangible thing. It sometimes comes from looks but not always. It just hits you and you get all excited inside. It’s a beautiful thing.
I was head over heals with the woman of my dreams. It was love at first sight for both of us. The sparks flew and before we know it we had a raging fire that nothing could put out. She told me she loved me and that she was so happy to have found me and I felt the same.
But it didn’t last and it was painful.
That was over five years ago and still not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and wonder what could have been.
So I tried a different approach…
I was on a sharp learning curve after she tore my heart out, stomped all over it, and left me for dead. The next few relationships paid the price of that fallout. I couldn’t get over the breakup and wasn’t ready to love again and I burned through some really good women. Side note: if you’re not over your last one, don’t go to your next one until you’ve reconciled your pain – otherwise you’ll be no good for the next one that comes along.
So my new approach was to play it safe. I was introduced to a woman by a mutual friend and we had drinks. There was no spark. Check. Over time we grew to love each other but I was never in love with her and though I did all the right things, my heart wasn’t in it and we were doomed to fail.
This time around
I’ve been paying attention and self-discovery has helped me to learn about the things I want and don’t want in a relationship. More importantly, I’m learning how to sort through all the possibilities until I find that special someone. I’m no longer compromising with the spark. I must have it to begin the next relationship. But I will also be more careful to guard my heart until I’m sure (is this possible?) that the feeling is mutual. Till then, I’ll keep searching.
What about you? Have you had similar experiences? Were they different? How did they work out? Let me hear from you.
I did the dating before I was ready thing. That’s why I’m off the market.
I agree Jim…when you’re not ready you’re really not going to be good for the relationship. I think it’s better to be alone than be in the wrong relationship. Thanks for the comment.