We hadn’t gone too far so it’s not a big heartache but it’s still somewhat disheartening. I met her online through a dating service and we both agreed that it was slim pickin’s on both sides. That probably should have been a clue.
The lady I met was pretty, intelligent, and was of good character. But that wasn’t enough for me. I don’t know about you but I’m looking for someone that will knock my socks off. I know, I know…it’s a good way to get hurt. Big time. But in the words of Garth Brooks, “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.”
There was this one woman…I was all in, I was done. She had me convinced that she loved me and was in love with me over a period of 8 months. Then one day she was done. Just like that. You could have knocked me over with a feather. That was over five years ago and I still feel the pain today.
I’m sure God was saving me from a worse fate. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. She was everything I was looking for. Apparently it wasn’t mutual.
And this is the problem.
How do you know when you first meet someone that it’s all going to work out? How do you know if they will be faithful? How do you know that when you give them your heart that they really feel the same?
The last long term relationship I was in was different than the lady that killed me…
I was introduced by a mutual friend. We met for drinks, and though I wasn’t really attracted to her, she had something that intrigued me. I called her a few days later and asked her if she would like to walk our dogs together and it went on from there. It was three months before I kissed her. Why you ask? I’m pretty sure it’s the “she didn’t knock my socks off” thing and I wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to move forward. I was right. I had gone from one extreme to the other. If the girl of my dreams left me for dead, I’d go with the one that was safe. Both decisions ended in pain and I’m not getting any younger.
Trust your own judgement.
Sometimes because we’re lonely we are willing to settle. Don’t do it. It’s hard to turn away companionship but sometimes it’s best, otherwise you end up getting committed to the wrong person. Better to be alone than be with the wrong one.
Over the years I’ve listened to people talk about how they married for the wrong reasons and now they’re stuck in a relationship that they should have run from. I’ve been there and I really don’t want to go around that mountain again.
So what’s the answer?
Do I just keep trying and hope someday the right one will come along? I need to get smart…even if it’s painful.
A few years back I asked a lady to lunch and she went. We had good conversation and I thought she was interested. So I asked her for a second date and she was rather blunt and said, “I’m really not interested.” That was a bit of a slap in the face but it was better for both of us (even though I was the one getting slapped) to get this out up front. Better a slap in the face than getting run over by a truck further on down the road. She knew something most of us never learn – don’t compromise for the sake of companionship.
You may argue this with me but I get it now. Companionship isn’t a good enough reason to compromise. Every relationship needs some give and take but there are some deal killers that you should pay attention to. And if there are deal-killers in a relationship why are you willing to settle? More about deal killers in the next blog.
Please comment below…I’d love to hear from you. Here are some questions that may be helpful:
Have you broken up recently? What caused the breakup? Have you compromised your relationship-standards for companionship? How did that work out?
Your blog is very honest and forthcoming while showing humor. Thanks for sharing!